apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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