we're blogging at a bar
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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