Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
