guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
