duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
