I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
