Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize