Soap is not a condiment
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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