i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
