We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
