He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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