Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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