Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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