I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
