it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
