i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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