I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
