so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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