I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
