Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Everything about him screamed your future.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
