And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My ass is underappreciated
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
