My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
