I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
