remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
