Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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