if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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