nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
