so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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