i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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