I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
