yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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