ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
