Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
