yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
