i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
