i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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