so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
