dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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