If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
