Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
