I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
