They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
