Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
