Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
