Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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