Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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