I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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