Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
