So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
