i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
