Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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