i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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